…= not so bad. Not great, mind you, but it’s family. It’s not supposed to be all smooth sailing, with or without alcohol in the picture:
I didn’t spend a week with my family (mother, father, brother and his daughter, and my brother’s fiance). It was just a weekend, but I still got worked up. I focused on my breathing and told myself everything would be okay. Like I said, it was okay, but it’s hard to believe that when you’re in the car and driving to Red Lobster to eat lunch with a ton of people and you know at least a few will be drinking.
I didn’t have any cravings, but I was always aware (hyper-aware, really) of the amount of alcohol on the table. The parents of my brother’s fiance accompanied us to lunch, and the father had white wine of some sort and the mother had what looked like a cosmopolitan. My brother’s fiance had a glass of red wine. All three of them sipped their drinks like…well, you know, people who aren’t alcoholic and don’t pre-drink before lunch, guzzle three drinks minimum during the meal, and make sure there’s drinking in the picture after. The father even left a little wine in his glass at the end, and I wanted to scream, “What the fuck is wrong with you? You can drink, so do it! Order another and slam it down! DO IT! DO IT NOW!!!!
Good to know the ol’ alcoholic bone is strong as ever, and more importantly, that I can laugh at it. I didn’t laugh too much at the time; I drank a lot of water and spent time with my niece, which helped more than anything. That, and seeing my children open their gifts as we celebrated early Christmas. By that point, I’d finally settled down, and my stress headaches had mostly gone away. I’m glad I saw my family, and I’m glad I didn’t have any cravings to speak of. I still think and operate like an alcoholic and may for a long time to come. That’s okay.
I want to thank those of you who took the time to respond to my previous bog posts because reading your replies over the weekend helped immensely. I don’t have WordPress on my phone, something I may rectify, and I purposely stayed away from a computer so it didn’t become a time-suck. But reading your words at the end of Friday and Saturday night grounded me, and for that I’m grateful.
I hope your Christmas preparations are going well. Happy sober Tuesday to you.