Another 3:30 AM Morning

I don’t fight getting up this early any more. If my brain and body tell me to get up, I’ll get up. I slept until 6:30 until this morning because over the last few days, I took a muscle relaxer at night because of a minor shoulder injury, and that knocked me out.

When I first picked up the medicine, I took one in the afternoon despite the sleepy/dizzy warning on the label (and my doctor, who knows I’m in recovery, assured me that the muscle relaxer would play nice with my other medications). Well…no, that wasn’t the case. When that pill hit, I went downhill fast. My wife came home from work, and I said, “All this pill has done is make me cranky, dizzy, and confused.” I hated the feeling. I figured all the drinking I’d done in the past would make me immune to the side-effects of the pill, but clearly I was wrong. I ate dinner with the family, stared grumpily and my computer, and thought, This is just a chemical reaction. You’re not worthless or stupid or ugly. These are just thoughts.

Thoughts or not, I wasn’t fit to be around, so I said good night to everyone and crawled into bed at 7:30. I was out in five minutes and slept nine hours. When I woke up, I was back to my old (new?) self, and I vowed to take the muscle relaxer right before getting into bed.

Well, my shoulder feels fine, but last night I found myself looking at the pill bottle and thinking, This stuff works pretty damn well as a sleeping pill, and I have several left. I should take one. What would happen if I took two?

Cue the disordered thinking. Though I knew the answer, I turned to my wife and said, “My shoulder feels okay. Do you think I should take a pill? They help me sleep.”

My calm, rational, non-addicted wife said, “No, you don’t need it.”

“Okay,” I said. So I opted for a melatonin instead, fell asleep quickly…and now I’m up.

I admit to liking being down here while everyone’s asleep. The kids and I put up the Christmas tree yesterday, and it’s nice to write with it glowing peacefully in the corner. I have a few candles lit, and I’m going to make another cup of coffee.

Not a bad start to a Sunday morning.

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About Robert Crisp

Just a lad who likes to create.
This entry was posted in addiction, alcoholism, early sobriety, recovery, self-care, sober, sobriety, treatment and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Another 3:30 AM Morning

  1. Sounds like a great Sunday morning to me. I love that you asked your wife about the pills – isn’t it crazy how quickly our brains want to hold onto something and use it, as in Use it? CrazyPants. … And I love Christmas trees in the solitude of mornings. One of my favorite times of the year/day. So comforting.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You’re making me want to put up a tree. Cool that you asked your wife. You were looking for her “no answer.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Robert Crisp says:

      And she gave it. The pills are still there in the cabinet if I pull a muscle or something (unlikely, but I can’t figure out how I hurt my shoulder). They’re certainly not “alcohol in a pill,” but boy, do they send me into a different state. If I take one, it’ll be right before I go to sleep, and I’ll tell my wife when I take one. It helps to be accountable.

      Like

  3. Untipsyteacher says:

    Oh I finally found you!!
    I see you all over the place, but I finally figured out where you are!!
    We have up our Christmas lights, but we are getting our tree this weekend.
    I can’t wait!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

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