Vodka, You Have No Idea


I’m taking a trip with my family, and there’s a wedding planned for later in the day at the lodge where we’re staying. As my wife checked us in, I took the kids to the bathroom, which was located at the far end of a room being turned into a wedding reception area. People were bustling to and fro, adjusting plates, checking seatings lists, and fiddling with the sound system. Like metal to a magnet, I was drawn to the bar, which, along with a detailed drink menu, hosted the sign you see above. That prompted the following letter.

Dear vodka,

Hi. It’s been a while. How’ve you been? Drunk? Yeah, that sounds about right.

Me? Oh, I’ve been sober about seven months. That’s why you haven’t seen me around. And now I run into you here, getting ready for a wedding. I guess it beats hanging out in my freezer.

So what’s this, your assurance that if I drink you, I can dance? Oh, vodka, you have no idea…dancing was the least of our problems. What? Yeah, I know that wasn’t your promise to me since I don’t give a damn about dancing. Your promises were fine-tuned to me; you had me believe that I’d be more fun around my kids, that I’d be a better writer, a more patient husband, a better lover, and a better human being.

What a fucking lie. All you did was bring out the worst in me. I began a slow decline with you in my system and I drank more and more, frantic to keep the false sense of security you initially provided. In the end, I was in shambles and so was my life.

But I stopped, and I don’t need you anymore. I’m sure you’ll find plenty of people here tonight to love you, but this boy ain’t one of them.

I would tell you to take care of yourself, but I’d be OK if you fell into an open sewer and died.



About Robert Crisp

Just a lad who likes to create.
This entry was posted in addiction, alcoholism, early sobriety, recovery, sober, sobriety, withdrawal. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Vodka, You Have No Idea

  1. p.s. Yeah, Vodka, and you can take Wine with you. Ya fuckers.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Robert Crisp says:

      Wine. That letter would be LONG and not for the faint of heart.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ha. Maybe we can write it together. After all, two heads are better than one sucky-alcoholic-life-down-the-drain-through-the-looking-glass-oh-my-god-what’s-happened-to-me-and-all-I-thought-I-wanted-but-lose-on-a-daily-basis-including-my-self-respect-addiction.


      • Robert Crisp says:

        Ooh, I like that idea. How would we do it? Each take turns with a draft? Page at a time? I haven’t co-written anything since…high school? And that was a fantasy book I wrote with my friend. It was fun, but the book wasn’t so good. Ah, youth.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I love your letter!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s