Yesterday, I went a tattoo studio and put money down on my tattoo. As I think I said in a previous post, I want a tattoo to mark my six months of sobriety. The idea came to me during my second or third week of rehab, and I immediately knew I wanted the tattoo to be a dragon holding a shield emblazoned with the AA symbol and my sobriety date (January 5, 2015). At the time, I wasn’t sure if I’d make it six months, but it looks I will. I may get another one for my year sobriety date if this one goes well (and I have no reason to think that it won’t).
Before I stopped drinking, I had strange aversions to food. Well, not really aversions…more like taking weird pride in preventing myself from eating certain things that I might enjoy, like ice cream and cake. I was allergic to milk and eggs growing up, so neither ice cream or cake were part of birthdays or celebrations for me. When I outgrew the allergies, I rarely found myself wanting desserts or sweets for snacks because I wasn’t used to having them. But then I took that to another level and declared such things were terrible and I was better than others because I avoided them. This, of course, didn’t stop me from killing a bottle or two of wine at night when it would have been more healthy just to eat a damn bowl of ice cream. Also, ice cream don’t come with a hangover, and people don’t ice cream dial. Had too much ice cream and can’t drive? Better call a cab.
Now that I’m sober, I find myself eating things like ice cream and cake and thinking Wow, this stuff is really good. I had an inability enjoy certain things when I was drinking, but that inability is lessened every day. I don’t plan to go crazy and buy out the Ben & Jerry’s section of the store, but I may pick up a pint and enjoy it.
Better that than a pint of vodka. Can I get an amen?