Resting, Recharging, and Writing Music

Writing music has been important to me since I first sat down at the family piano and wrote a song. I had taken piano lessons for a few years, but I was never really serious about them. I struggled with sight reading, and music theory was like trudging through algebra. I always had a good ear for music, though, and could often replay a melody after hearing it a few times.

The day I wrote my first song was different. I certainly hadn’t planned on writing a song; I didn’t even know that I could. But when my fingers found certain keys, I felt like I ‘d tapped into some creative force that suddenly decided to operate through me. Excited, I grabbed my cassette recorder and captured the song. It was a strange, rambling piece I called “Bury Our Bones at Sunrise.” My music is all instrumental. Though I write poetry, I’m terrible at writing lyrics. When I’ve written songs for guitar and applied lyrics, I ended up with weird country songs. Couple that with my voice and…well, let’s just say I wouldn’t win any talent shows.

I continue writing songs today, though I’ve recently taken a break. When I was drinking, I would obsess over the fact I hadn’t written any music for a while, and I’d listen to the negative voices in my head that told me I couldn’t write music for shit anyway, so why should I even bother? The same voices told me my creative writing was worthless, too, but despite that, I was a lazy coward if I didn’t write every day.

Withing drinking out of the picture, the voices haven’t completely gone away, but they’re not nearly as loud. I write when I feel like writing, and that goes for music as well as stories and poems. I’m passionate about music and literature, but I have a job and a family. I write and compose when I can. If a day or two or even a week goes by and I haven’t been creative, I don’t beat myself up. In this regard, practicing lovingkindness to myself is important and quite refreshing.

Today is the second day of my mini-vacation in the North Carolina mountains, and I had some time to myself while the others went to the pool (I’m not terribly keen on being in the water). I turned my wife’s Surface, fired up my music-writing program called Reason, and this is what came out.

I've never tried playing with octopuses, but I'm willing to try.

I’ve never tried playing with octopuses, but I’m willing to try.

I’m not sure why the song (and title) is so dark. It’s just what flowed out. I feel fine today; I’ve had plenty of time to myself, which makes me time around the others here actually pleasant.

I suppose I don’t need to view my music or writing in terms of dark or light, happy or sad. Emotions are simply emotions; I don’t have to attach meaning or value to them. I’m still in a bit of pain from my procedure, and I accept it. I try not to think of it as bad because it isn’t. It’s just physical pain, and it will pass. As I read in a book recently, pleasure is not a reward, and pain is not a punishment.

Good words to remember as I go forward, encountering the rest of the day with 166 days of sobriety.

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About Robert Crisp

Just a lad who likes to create.
This entry was posted in addiction, alcoholism, buddhism, early sobriety, mindfulness, recovery, sobriety and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Resting, Recharging, and Writing Music

  1. Enjoy your mini vacation!

    Like

  2. joeythebuddhist says:

    🙂 Keep up the great work!

    Like

  3. Gia Leigh says:

    So inspiring. You are so stronger and brave! Keep up your work!

    Like

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