Alcohol was my downfall, but I can easily see myself getting into pills if I allowed myself. I went for a minor out-patient procedure today, and even though I told the doctor during my first visiit that I was in recovery and didn’t want pain-killers, he still offered them anyway. I shouldn’t be surprised. When I told him about my new sobriety, he didn’t respond beyond a nod. My primary care doctor documented it, and so did my pharmacy.
When he said today, “We’ll send you home with some pain-killers,” I said, “Okay,” and thought about it. I reasoned that the bottle probably wouldn’t contain more than fifteen pills. Where would the harm be? If a doctor offers them, I must need them…right?
Wrong, I met with my therapist earlier this week and told her about the doctor’s indifference, and she said, “I’m not so worried about you becoming cross-addicted as I am about the pills being a trigger for relapse back into drinking You’ve got to be your own advocate in this situation.”
I thought about how many times I heard counselors at rehab say to be careful with things like hydrocodone. I imagined sitting down with AA friends and asking them about the situation, and I knew what they’d see: suck it up and take some Tylenol.
When I got my discharge papers, the nurse held the prescription for hydrocodone, and I was tempted. But instead of reaching out for it, I started telling her I didn’t want it, and she said, “You need to fill it just in case you need it later.”
“No,” I replied. “I’m in recovery. I really don’t need those pills.”
A look of understanding spread across her face. Just then, a nurse whipped around the corner and said, “You’ll be fine. Just take Tylenol and hang in there.”
So far, I’m uncomfortable, but I can take it. I’m pretty much a baby when it comes to pain, but I’d rather be in pain than run the risk of relapse.
On a different note, I had to re-set my phone and lost all my contacts, even though I thought I’d backed them up. I lost AA numbers, including my sponsor’s. I’m going to a meeting tomorrow and will get some more numbers and next week will make it back to my home group. I’m not a big caller, but it would have helped to talk to some AA folks today.
Time for an ice pack….