Katie gave me another assignment for the week: be kind to myself. Treat myself like I would treat a friend. I have a huge problem being kind to myself. Hell, I struggle with being tolerant of my myself. I also have difficult time asking for help, but I’ve done a fairly good job of that today, espeically when it was pointed out that I could maybe–just maybe–stop my mid-morning freak out if I let people take of some of the tasks I’d designated to myself. I took a deep breath, let my family help, and even said thank you. God, that’s hard for me.
Instead of running around like a madman to the grocery store and a few other places, I treated myself to a cup of coffee at my favorite coffee shop (I’ve had an insane amount of coffee today). I wrote in my journal for thirty minutes and the material wasn’t terribly depressing. Just a little depressing, and yes, it dealt with alcohol…but it’s an improvement.
When I finished my coffee, I thought to myself, I’m going to a book store and get myself a proper journal. I’ve always hesitated getting a journal, telling myself that I’d mess it up, so I’ve stuck with spiral notebooks since high school. I still like my old notebooks, but I wanted a journal for poetry. So, by golly, I went and got it. I also picked up a copy of a book I’ve always wanted to read, especially because I mention it a lot in my humanities class when we discuss Taoism:
I’m even going out to dinner tonight and I’m not--hang on to something, folks–going to get the cheapest thing on the menu. I usually opt for a cheap sandwich or salad and drink only water. Tonight, I’m going to go crazy and order something different and something that’s over ten dollars. It’s crazy, I tell you.
Off to do some creative writing. Happy Valentine’s Day to those who celebrate it.