“So tell me, since it makes no factual difference to you and you can’t prove the question either way, which story do you prefer? Which is the better story, the story with animals or the story without animals?’
Mr. Okamoto: ‘That’s an interesting question?’
Mr. Chiba: ‘The story with animals.’
Mr. Okamoto: ‘Yes. The story with animals is the better story.’
Pi Patel: ‘Thank you. And so it goes with God.” – From Life of Pi, by Yann Martel
Someone at the meeting last night said, “I understand when people who say they’re hung up on a Step. I used to be that way. I was ‘hung up’ on Step Four for seven months. And then I finally just did it.'”
I understand that, since I’ve been saying for days that I’m stuck on Step Two. I talked with Katie about it yesterday, and she looked through my Gentle Path book and saw where I stopped. “Look, just answer the questions here. It’s not that hard.” We looked at my blank pages, and really, it didn’t seem like so much of a hassle.
So I woke up this morning and instead of doing what I’d planned, which was to begin grading student papers, I said to myself, No. No work on the weekend. The week is enough. I need to take care of myself first. I’m going to try to follow the pattern we discussed Thursday night during education: sobriety, serenity, self, family, job. I’ve got 33 days of sobriety, but I’m far from being serene. And really, I’m selfish to a point, but I don’t practice good self-care. As I pondered this, I thought about Life of Pi, and the ending in particular. It struck me when I read the book, and it struck me when I saw the movie. Everything in me said then, I prefer the story with God! And, along the way, I lost that.
I’m working to accept my Higher Power, and I believe I have. At least, I’m close to it. I’m keeping it to myself (or at least the specifics), but in general, my Higher Power is the universal, creative, and personal force that I believe pervades the universe and can be seen in people. I also believe Carl Sagan when he says, ““We are a way for the cosmos to know itself.”
I’m meeting with my sponsor later today to discuss Step Two. I’m ready for that, and I’m nearly ready to accept Step Three. Step Four’s going to take a while and will be painful, but I can do it.
To my Higher Power: thanks for getting me this far. Hang in there with me, okay?