For those of you who have done alcohol treatment before, the drug Libirum rings a bell…and I’m grateful or it. Right now is the first time my hands haven’t shaken in weeks. I wondered why I was shaking if I was drinking; I’d never done so before, or maybe I had and just hadn’t noticed. But for now, my hands are steady and I feel relaxed. I feel, for the first time in ages, that I can make it through the night without drinking. It’s already 7:50, and normally I begin drinking between 4:00-5:00. Not today.
“Look,” Charles said at one point today–and this was echoed by nearly every staff member and many of my fellow addicts–“just commit to not drinking tonight. That’s it. Don’t worry about the next day, or the day after that, or any time in the future. And for God’s sake, don’t tell tell yourself you’ll never drink again. You’ll relapse.”
So, before bed, I just don’t have to drink. I can do that. I’m afraid I’m going to wake up shaking, running a fever, sweating, or hearing things…and that may happen. But I trust the nurse at rehab who said, “You’ll be okay.”
I have two other drugs I begin taking tomorrow: Trazadone and Clonidine. I can’t take them until tomorrow so I can be monitored.
So I report back tomorrow at 8:30 and the education begins at 9:00. Then I have group. And then task group (I have no idea what that is). I also have to attend two AA meetings this week, and I am not looking forward to that, But I’ll do it. I’ll do anything my treatment teams tells me because I trust them. I don’t trust myself.
In one-in-a-half hour, I will have been sober for 24 hours. That, my friends, is something to celebrate.